Tears,Cheers, and later, Beers

It's 2am the night before, or the morning of, the first day of school. My babies are asleep. Emma is going to High School. Julianna is going to Intermediate school for 5th grade, Melanie is in 4th, the eldest at Bascomb Elementary, Jackson is in 2nd and Andrew, my little boy, is going to Kindergarten. At 8:15am I will be alone. I have 6 more hours of being a stay at home mom. I am going to work, and they are going to school. It's done.

I have worked off an on over the past fourteen years, but not full time since Julianna was born. She's 10. I'm freaking out. I have been so child centered for so long, I can't imagine focusing on myself, my career as an artist, making money, supporting us financially, owning a business. It's so strange to shift focus. I know that just because they are in school doesn't mean I'm done, not by a long shot....these four years with Emma are going to be tough. The younger four need so much from me, too, but during the day, they are in someone else's care. I feel a little guilty about that. My house is going to be quiet for a big chunk of time. I can think. That could be dangerous.

I wonder if I did a good job. I mean, I know I gave all of myself to my children, (I know that because there's not much left) but I wonder if I really did my best. There were so many times I was just so tired that I couldn't think, or act, clearly. The law of motion dictated a lot of my parenting. Once things were set on a course, I maintained and reacted, not necessarily driving the ship, but manning it. I don' know. I watch other people now and second guess my choices. I'm sure everyone does. Ugh! I'm so damn emotional! Maybe I shouldn't have watched the "break up" episode of John and Kate Plus Eight. I was transfixed by their pain and the thought that it's SO easy to quit. This is how it's done, this is what it looks like. They just move on, and deal with it. God.

I put a note on Emma's napkin in her lunch box. I don't think I ever did that before. I never wanted them to get homesick during the day with a whiny note saying hey! don't forget me! But now that she's OLD, and somewhat emotionally sound (I can't believe I'm saying that! she's a teenager with raging hormones!) I figured it was ok to shout out from the homestead and tell her I'm proud of her. I really am. My God, she is so different than I was at 14. She actually cares about stuff. She's a good kid. She's a beautiful girl. I am truly proud to be her mom.

I've got three brunches to go to tomorrow, and I could get a massage, or a facial. I could go for a walk, or to the gym. I could paint all day. I could organize something, rearrange, clean out the garage, or the basement and get my studio started. I could stay in bed and cry. I could drink. I wonder what I'll feel like doing.

I hope I don't follow the bus.

Yay Me! (clap, clap, clap, clap)

I am resting in the glow of a perfect Saturday. Might Heaven be like this? It was Mom Appreciation Day today. No, not Mother's Day, that will still happen later this year. We politely stole the tradition of Appreciation Day from our good friends, the Armisteads. It was created to lift the spirit of one who is feeling blue, neglected, left out, or just for the heck of it. Today was my day. I got to take a nap, pick dinner, NOT cook it, and NOT clean it up. I had the best nap in the sun, just like a cat! Chris took the kids to the store to buy ingredients for spicy sausage penne vodka pasta - my fave!! It was SO good. Bread, wine and "poof!"I was a princess...that's all it takes! Then we watched Get Smart with the kids. I loved it, too. I deserved this. I know that's bold, but it has been a hell of a month, and I needed the lift.

I hope that I am able to blog soon about the challenges we have faced recently as a family. I'm not ready yet, but I aim to be, so that others can benefit from our struggles. I am so grateful to be held in the grace of a loving God, caring friends, and supportive family. I truly don't believe that we could make it if we didn't have this loving community around us! Gratitude, gratitude, gratitude...it does take a village. (but I still don't like Hillary)

Went to Mindy's last week for a brief respite from these four walls. We went grassboarding in downtown Chattanooga and had a blast! I hope to get pictures up soon. It's always centering and healing to be with her family. They really do a great job living intentionally. I don't know anyone who puts more thought and energy into family than the Haworths. So blessed to know them. Gratitude, gratitude, gratitude...

I am off to cuddle with a book, our new dog, and all of this warm, fuzzy happiness that I so needed! Love, Shanna

Birthday Madness

The birthday run is almost over. Dec 3 -Muggs, Dec. 7 -Jack, Dec.27 -me, Dec.31 -Anniversary, Jan. 5 -M-I-L, Jan.12 -Julianna, Jan. 17 -Mom, Feb. 26 -Andrew. Add Christmas and car tags....=BROKE & Nuts. Poor Jack had a sleepover a month after his birthday, cause everything got so crazy. Hmmm. Better planning next year. Maybe a family Christmas cruise to satisfy all! It's probably cheaper! I am getting ready for a week of possibilities. Well, aren't they all? I am in the running for lost of various jobs...bus driver, substitute teacher, lampwork bead maker, some mysterious school system job, then there's the art thing. Ebay store proprietor may be in the running, too. Junk dealer. The world is my oyster! God only knows where the arrow will point on my wheel-o-careers.
I'm also thinking about Armageddon and war, and financial disasters, too. It's difficult sometimes to balance doing laundry, making lunches, and pontificating inescapable doom. The Novena begins tonight to destroy FOCA (the Freedom of Choice Act) Obama aims to sign. Nine days of rosary and fasting. Constant prayer for the unborn. There are tens of thousands of people doing it. It will be interesting to watch what happens.

I'm hopping over to Mindy's blog to check out what enlightening things she has to say.

I wish my brothers and sisters would send pictures from Christmas so I can post them!!! Y'all hear me??

Here is Mark Hanna's Obituary

Mark Hanna, age 82, husband of Ellen Argo Hanna, died Sunday, December 28, at home under Hospice care. His body was donated to the Medical College of GA. A memorial service will be held at Central Presbyterian Church, Saturday, January 3, at 10:00 A.M. with the Rev. Charles Cook and the Rev. Hunter Coleman officiating.
Born in Birmingham, Alabama, May 7, 1926, he was the son of the late Lafayette Randolph and Kathryn Parrish Hanna of Birmingham. In addition to his parents, he was preceded in death by his brother C. Beaty Hanna of Birmingham. He attended The Webb School, Phillips High School, Birmingham Southern, and University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, from which he received his PhD in 1962.
Prior to completing his education, he served in the Navy during WW II. After graduating from college, he joined the Navy Reserves and was sent to Japan in 1950 during the Korean War. He married Ellen Argo, also of Birmingham, just three weeks before his departure for Japan. Upon returning from the Korean War he joined a brokerage firm before enrolling in graduate school.
He taught at Auburn University from 1958 to 1963 and then at the University of Georgia Terry College of Business, Finance Department, where he taught Investments and Security Analysis from 1963 until retiring and being granted Emeritus status in 1990. While at the University, he served on numerous boards and committees, including ten years on the Athletic Association Board and became an Emeritus member.
In addition to his wife, he is survived by two brothers, Randolph Hanna and Henry Hanna, of Birmingham and five nieces, five sons and twelve grandchildren: John (Erin) of Duluth (Wendy and Sarah of Athens); David (Donna) of Snellville (Josh, Kyle); Steve (Cindy) of Perdido Key, Fl (Andy, Christopher, Lauren); Paul (Sandy) of Dunwoody (Ben, Matt); and Michael (Martha) of Thomasville, (Katie, Will, Brayton).
He was active in Central Presbyterian Church of Athens heading the Daily Bread Ministry for over ten years. He also volunteered with Hospice in its early years. A lover of the outdoors, he hiked the Appalachian Trail from Georgia into Virginia, many peaks in Colorado, the Western States and the Swiss Alps. He was also an avid tennis player.
In lieu of flowers his family requests you make a donation in his memory to the Appalachian Trail Conservancy, 799 Washington Street, P.O. Box 807, Harpers Ferry, WV 25425-0807, or to Central Presbyterian Church for Our Daily Bread, 380 Alps Road, Athens, GA 30606.