Awakening an Old Idea

Perhaps it has been asleep in me. I know it was there before, it lived under the surface, but recently it has awakened and revealed it's head and chest, and perhaps some of it's tender underbelly. Unschooling is rocking our dusty way of life! The idea that individual freedom within a family, within one's own modus operandi, is an honor we afford others and protect and defend in ourselves. As I watch Emma steer her own ship and direct her own desires, I feel the buzzing of being awake to ancient truths. My clearer vision watches people run around and cram artificial life into each moment of their day, deciding for one another, forcing and manipulating one another, steering one another, and I see those who are numb and willing to be steered following, glazed over, marching. I am keenly aware of comments and words that numb me out. "How are you today?" in the checkout. "Fine, thank you."(thought clearly I am NOT having a good day) "Have a nice day." What does that say to me? Not worth it. There's power in mixing it up: "How are you today?" "Crappy, I just left my wallet on the hood of my car." Or "Frustrated because the one thing I came here for is gone." Just honest. Is what it is. Honoring true feelings and not "supposed tos". Makes me feel better, less numb, less drone-like. The little things I see in my home that happen between people...little dominations, little exterminations, have to be challenged (much to some dismay!) for the sake of the big dominations and exterminations. "Be the change you want to see in the world", right? It matters. All the little battles count on the big field, because of physics and momentum and all of the laws of energy are on the side of the one who's acting and moving and praying. It is the freedom of following and therefore honoring your own instincts that places value on the human person, and that defeats attacks on the human person! Valuing life in more than words and doctor's offices give more momentum to our side and creates more energy exponentially in the lives of my children. This, however, gets me into trouble, too. It's an atrocity to live this way and then to throw in a little parental domination in a tired moment. It is also a poverty when both parents aren't on the same page. I am de-structuring more easily than my mate. He's wearing concrete control shoes. It is much harder for him to see, & therefore act, in a way that allows others freedom to make their own decisions. He is at a place where he sees infractions in others parenting style, but not all of his own. I am sure that I offend as well. Not accusing, just stating that there is a difference in understanding and comfort level with giving up control. He sees the value in letting Emma direct her learning experience this year. He sees the abomination of other's telling their kids what and when to dress themselves, when to eat, when to move, when to sleep...with no consideration of the child's wants. So I know we are making progress...but it is a huge challenge to de-structure family control patterns. It's is something so entrenched in the vernacular, that it in often invisible and always layered. I am a miner. I am digging, digging for the gems I know lie under the rock. And when I dig them out in chunks with big tools, I get out my little pics and brushes and work with a delicate hand.

Today, Well just right now

Not that I can speak for the whole of today, cause you never know what's going to happen...but I'm grumpy and tired and SLOW moving this morning. I am having an internal battle with the idea of having to be Doing something, anything, to be justified. I guess it is the watchful eye of parents that makes me believe this...and past employers, and society in general. The value for being busy is high in these parts. School is 7 hours of unending activity...hurry up and get to the next thing. The kids come home frenzied, then dazed, then exhausted. Then football! Oh, football. Where have we been without you? Jack is finally entertained! The boy wakes up bored. If he's not Doing for more than 5 minutes, he's devastatingly bored. Football has practically ended that. Right now they are practicing every night for 2 hours. That will drop to 3 days a week and a game on Saturday. Anyway, the internal battle I was talking about. Jack doesn't have it I guess, he's just wired to be going 24-7 at about a 50mph clip. I am a bit more subdued. I like a 25mph pace, (unless I'm actually driving)and I like to turn off the main roads and get lost and see what I can see. I've always found that song 'The Bear Went over the Mountain' depressing. There's no value in seeing the other side of the mountain?? That's a hymn to keep the people down and in their place. Don't like it. I like to see.

So my agitation is that with Emma at home, there's no daily structure. She does get up and clean and go with me to work or stay at home and map out the week or month or plan something...but I am NOT IN CONTROL OF WHAT SHE DOES. I knew this wasn't going to be easy. This year is dedicated to her doing what she finds interesting and going as deep as she desires into whatever it is. It's an abomination in the eyes of traditional dictator-ish parenting! It's a stretch even for me! I like to think of myself as a respectful parent in my best moments, which admits that I don't always meet that goal. I have said the words "Because I said so" on many occasions and though I am not regretful of them, I see their lack of respect and worth. I'm definately not at the "we're all equals here" level, and I may never be, but I do see my kids as NOT MY POSSESSIONS and myself as their caretaker and not their boss. They are a gift to me, I get to be their mom for this lifetime, and they belong to God. I'm a guardian. I protect, defend, and prepare them for their lives, which are uniquely their own. So when I say "Because I said so!" What I really am saying is I am too tired/angry/hungry/sad/lazy/irritated/distracted to debate this. And that's just human. Not great, but real.
So back to the pressure of quantity over quality. Today I'm going to put it aside and do what I have to do so I can do what I want to do. I heard that in a GREAT movie this weekend 'The Great Debaters'. Forest Whitaker kept saying that to his son. Tis truth. Reading Rx: James Farmer. 'Lay Bare The Heart'
On to do what I have to do...paint something, quote something, pick some colors, take a cellular shade to Buckhead cause my painter broke it, and eat. Emma is doing her thing. I'm stepping back a half step.

This summer has been most exciting. I took a break from work (which HAPPENED to coincide with not getting calls) and played with the kiddos! We spent three weeks traveling to the beach at Edisto, Nashville, and Knoxville, Tennessee. We saw lots of friends and family, made new friends, and got really tan! It has been a waterlogged summer! The girls got Six Flags passes from Grandma and Grandpa for Christmas and we have worn them out! Six Flags is great fun when it's empty and below 90 degrees. Luckily, with passes we can bolt if either factor rises.

Our family is taking a new journey this year with Emma. We have decided not to go back to high school, and to create our own "curriculum" if you will. Emma has many interests that she has held since she was little. She is going to spend the year following those interests, learning as much as she can about them, and deciding if they are her life's direction. She is going to work, and I think she is going to love it. We spent the past 6 or 8 weeks mulling over this idea of "unschool" and trying to think about every aspect and consequence of leaving traditional school. We looked at private education and traditional homeschool. Neither of those paths looked good to us, so after much discussion and prayer, we have decided to give it a shot. Emma is very excited, I'm excited, and Muggs is totally jazzed about it, which took me by surprise. He's definately more of a traditionalist than I am. The only person NOT excited is my mom. She is really worried that we are ruining Emma. I guess I can see her point, being a public school teacher for almost 40 years. I don't know if she can see the bigger picture...yet. I've asked her to read a couple of books and keep an open mind, which she said she would, so hopefully we will all learn a lot from this and we will all benefit from the adventure! http://www.collegewithouthighschool.com/
Jackson has started football and that has brought on many hours at the field and lots of good times, so far. Friday was the first pads and tackling practice and Jack loved it. I have never seen him in his 8 years be totally entertained and thrilled as he has been playing football. It seems to be his thing!

So as summer draws to a close, we are so grateful for another healthy, happy vacation, and we are looking forward to all of the school craziness (I think) that is starting Monday!

Long time, no write

Has it really been 9+ months since my last blog??!! How can that be? I am not a creature that makes new habits easily, and once the *new* wore off of blogging, well, I guess I just quit! I will try to write more often. I got an iphone and I thought it would make my online availability simpler, but for writing purposes, it's worse. I am a pencil to paper fan, and typing takes second place to writing by hand. Txting is dead last. I find that using proper grammar is a challenge and that inhibits my writing and the awkwardness of the little keys is annoying. So, I have been using it to look at online pages, but not to contribute to them.
I think I'll write about what's fresh. Maybe the act of getting stuff down will prime the pump and the memories of the last school year will flow. As of late, we have been a traveling family going to Edisto Island in South Carolina last week and Nashville, Tennessee this weekend.
We thoroughly enjoyed the simplicity of Edisto. There was nothing to do but walk to the beach, sit, swim, walk to the house, eat, and repeat. The ocean was inspirational as always, and I was able to do some drawing. We went to a preserve called Botany Bay which was absolutely amazing. We met a wonderful family next door with 5 kids ours' ages as well! They had so much fun going back and forth playing with each other. I love meeting people with large families and getting to see how similar their ways are!
I have started a life drawing class this summer and it has been fantastic. Once a week for three hours I sit and focus on drawing. I sit in good company. Artists from all over Atlanta attend this class. It's really good medicine to be in a room full of creative people, and a nekkid person. :) Drawing from life is the best teacher. I have done some nice drawings, which gives me confidence and hope for my future as a professional artist. It will happen! (it is happening!) I am working on setting up my studio in the basement so I will have a protected place to draw. The kitchen table just doesn't cut it anymore!
World Cup soccer has taken over my husband. He is a maniac. Now that the US is out of the tournament, he is a little depressed, and less enthusiastic...which is safer. I put a video of him reacting to the US winning goal against Algeria on YouTube and he's gotten 6,900 hits as of an hour ago. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NyTosxo4RZY
He's crazy. So that has spurned a lot of excitement in our house.
We just got back from Nashville tonight. Muggs' cousin Rebecca (BKA Sister Gloria Christie) is a Dominican Sister at St. Cecelia's. It is a beautiful place and this weekend we had the honor of combining our Coulter family reunion with the sisters' 150th Anniversary celebration. It was quite a production. There were 240-something sisters and their families in attendance. We celebrated 6 hours of Mass this weekend! We also had the pleasure of hearing the Nashville Symphony Orchestra perform. Unfortunately my faith was weak and when a thunderstorm hit and the tent poles began to sway...I grabbed my family and bolted! We made it back to the hotel to find the power out at the Embassy Suites and all of the guests roaming the common area. Quite the scene. Leaving today was hard, I really love my inlaws. I am so glad to be a part of this tight family, and so grateful that my kids get a tangible sense of their roots! I'm tired, though, from driving and all of the smiling and hugging and goodbying, and I'm off to sleep. I hope to update more tomorrow! We have lots going on and I have much to report!

g'night,
~S