My back went out last week. Did I mention that already? I've taken lots of meds and gone to the chiro, but no relief yet. I have a recurring issue with my lower back, possibly related to carrying, birthing, and hauling 5 kids and their stuff for the past 12 years. I don't know how people start families in their mid thirties. My sister in law, Julie (not Knoxville Julie) is having her first baby in a couple of weeks, God bless her. She's almost my age. I hope she's in better shape than me, 'cause I'm beat up. She and Jason (Chris' brother) live in a cute little town in New Jersey and work in The City. They used to live in Hoboken and we loved to visit them there. We haven't been to their new house yet but Muggs (Chris' real name) is chomping at the bit to see his first niece. He wakes up thinking about her and when she's coming into the world. Jason and Julie are really educated. I think they know too much. When I had Emma I had never held a baby before. I was completely ignorant to all the things that could go wrong. It was a blessing. Sometimes I hear things on the news or radio or from a friend that I just can't let in. I have to cradle my psyche like an innocent life and try to keep it focused on good and viable progress, not fear. Sometimes that's really hard. I love the Internet. It gives me instant access to answers, which I cherish. On the flip side, it can innundate my life with useless information, "knowledge" and wasted time. The need for self control and discernment is at an all time high.
That said, my oldest, Emma, and I had a conversation about what we're selling. That sounds wierd but I believe that when we go out of our homes, we're always selling something. That is, if we're conscious and somewhat passionate people. The way we dress, we walk, talk, the things we do, the eye contact we do or don't make... all says something about who we are and where we are. I was explaining my theory to Emma today in response to her "mimick" dressing that has been going on for the past few months (Shorts getting shorter, tops getting tighter). She was able to think about what she was saying by her dress after we tredged through the sticky, stinky, burping muck of emotions for an hour (also known as a fight). She was compensating for her belief that her face was unattractive. She's going through puberty and I REALLY REMEMBER seventh grade. I hope she learns the skills of discernment and self awareness. I'm still working on those. If I could give her the gift of awareness I would wrap it really nicely and throw a party.
Goodnight.
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