One leg of the Journey

After that emotional vomit yesterday, I feel a little better. I had a good cry and a much needed reality check with Mindy. She always has good advice and assignments for me to get myself out of a slump. She made me do homework. I did it. It helped.
So I am sitting here listening to fireworks all around our house, smelling Muggs' cooking and listening to the kids play. I'm thinking about marriage and how fourteen years can go so fast. I heard someone say a long time ago that the secret to their marriage was that they never both fell out of love at the same time. That always stuck with me. I guess it's sort of true, that you are always going through different phases of love with your spouse. We are always changing, but the decision to love and the commitment to the marriage is what keeps it going, not the emotion. The fourteen years that we have been married have been unbelievable. I don't think anyone thought we'd make a life out of the craziness that was our existance at 21 and 22. I'm not going to start singing that stupid Shania Twain song...
Thank God I never thought too hard about what I was doing, because logically, it was impossible. I am so grateful that I was running on the high of eros and the decisions were easy for me to get married and have children, and not necessarity in that order. Muggs gave me someone else to live for, and Emma grounded me and directed my whirlwind of a life. It was the only way for me not to spin out of control. And there are people out there who don't believe in God! Ha! We are living proof of Divine Guidance and I am lucky to believe.
There are so many blessings for which I am grateful, and I know everybody gets down, but I really have so much going for me and so many people who love me, I should never feel like a failure. It's a rough ride sometimes, but then it's so beautiful, too. Happy new year and here's to learning a little more about yourself every day. ~S

"The longest journey of any person is the journey inward."
Dag Hammerskjvld

I think I can...chug chug chug

No, I'm not drinking. Well, just a little. I'm trying to get back on the blog. I can write here, there's no one stopping me. I don't know why I haven't blogged since summer, but wow, I must have been doing something important. Let's see. Nope, there's no way to catch up so I'll just start where I am. I guess Facebook has taken up my online time a lot since I opened that black hole of cyberspace. It's been interesting to see people from long ago, who's changed, who's the same.... Are any of us the same? I have been pondering the "why am I here?" question a lot lately. I guess the end of this tumultuous year being wrapped up in time has me thinking, what are we doing? I mean Muggs and me, not the whole human race. I can't even begin to ponder that one.... We started out running and scrambling, reacting to so many major life events, and we just seemed to be getting a breather and then the market fell out and we found ourselves back scrambling again. We went through a financial overhaul with Dave Ramsey and began the journey out of debt because it was eating our souls, and then we lost the income factor which is such an important part of the equation. So here we are in not much better shape than we were 2 years ago when we started. I guess a changed attitude about money is progress....but ouch! this really hurts!
And I went through a pretty intense body/health overhaul with my friend Mindy coaching me and thought I had a handle on my food addiction and negative habits...but whammo, Halloween '07 rolled around and behold! there was candy in my house and it was like crack for me. I was back on the pipe, I mean fork, and all I'd gained was lost, (or all I lost was gained) save the experience of "doing it". Here I am a year and a few months later and I dread the mirror and I remember swearing that my new found healthy body was forever ( and meaning it). Time is a bitch. So I am really taking this new year hard. It's heavy on me. Will I get my act together? Will I keep on doing what I'm doing? I've never felt so out of control. Who do I want to be? Is it who I am? Is it possible? One day I think I'm doing good and then I get a sucker punch from out of nowhere like "What the hell were you thinking?! Your life is in chaos!" I can't even believe I'm an adult raising children in this mess - both in me, and in my world.

People make New year's resolutions. I can't even make a resolution for one day. As soon as I make a new rule, something comes along to challenge it. It gets broken. ok, I break it and then I lose faith. This life thing is hard. All the time hard. I guess I need to buff up and hit it head on like I've done so many times in the past. I guess I'm just getting old and tired. How depressing.

I'm also mourning. We lost a good friend this week, Mark Hanna. He has been a family friend since I was a little kid. He helped me and Muggs find a pastor when we wanted to get married. He took us to his beach house year after year...Lori went one year with us, she's gone too....and he was a light in the world. He was kind of a surrogate dad to me, my mom says they were a lot alike, he and my dad, who's gone too. I am mourning for the people I love who are gone, and for Victoria Heil, a girl who reminds me of Lori, who died in a car accident this week. She was a light in the world, too. So sad. We will be going to her funeral tomorrow, and Mark's memorial next weekend.

Muggs and I will celebrate 14 years on New Year's Eve. Fourteen years. That's worth spelling out.

Yawn!

I am waking up in my own bed, well sort of. We got home last night from our vacation at the beach. It was amazing! Our neighbors invited us to stay at their house on St. George Island in Florida. You must know what generous people they are when you consider our family of 7 and all of our effects! Well, the house was humongous and we all fit just fine. The weather was ideal and the ocean was inspirational and healing as it always is. My kids and I can just spend an entire day digging in the sand. We love it! So as I rouse from Julianna's bed (I got edged out of my own by little kid bodies) I am thankful to have been at the ocean with my family, and thankful to be home!

The kids were so rotten on the way home (7 hours) that their punishment was to unload and clean out the entire van by themselves when we got home. I didn't say "and put it away" as I usually remember to do, so I now get to attack the enormous pile of refuse in my foyer. Yay.

Whoa, it's all coming back to me!!

It has been a LONG time since I've blogged! I thought being laid up would be about sitting at the computer rambling about all of those epiphanies I have on a daily basis and catching up on my profile and other techy things. I was misled. Being laid up means just that. You, a bed, a tv, and lots of narcotics and naps. Sounds dreamy, I know, but after a few days it does get old. You start really losing touch with reality, whatever that is. :) So I am happy to say that back surgery isn't all that bad and the worst is over. (If I may be so bold...) I am healing nicely, the thorn in my spine is gone, and my range of motion is almost normal. Yay! I am really glad I waited until the kiddos went to school to do this. I cannot imagine the torture of end of summer boredom and me bedridden together. I made a good choice for once...write it down!!!

So there are some new things in my life as of late and I am very excited and nervous all at once about all of the possibilities. First, my BFF Jessica and I formed a middle school youth group called QUEST at our church. The middle school kids were really sort of out in space. They're so between everything. So, we're roping them in for some cohesion and direction in this ministry. It's all about creating a safe environment for them to battle these tumultuous years in. Yes, I ended with a preposition, get over it (Mom!). The kids have their catechism classes to learn more about the church, we're about helping them live it out, while being constantly distracted by the fact that they're having so much dang fun!! So far, so good. We had our first event and it was that. I'd like to shout out to God for holding off the rain so we could play. He really came through, and the kids got to see a real life "Ask and you shall receive" moment!

The other new baby in my life is a new business venture straight out of a dream. Please take a sec and see my website for more......tease!

I am going through a creative spell and I'm just trying to keep it all collected somehow, stuff is flying everywhere! The kids are off to school and I have today all to myself, first time in a long while.

I'm going to paint a portrait of Bob Marley for Muggs. C-ya!!

Muggs and Emma on Vacay!

That's Mindyish for vacation!
<-This pic is for John!

Muggs and Emma went to New Jersey to visit Jason and Julie, Muggs' bro and sis-in-law and their new babe, Abby. He also took Emma to NYC for her thirteenth birthday! WOW, what great parents we are!!! Speaking of great parents, Jason and Julie are well on their way! Enjoy the pics and please click on Emma's blog to read her tell of the adventure...

Sunflower Festival, Rutledge GA

We went to the festival today. I have been wanting to go here for years and it was SO worth the drive!! I have never been in a more photogenic place. Next year I'm taking a good camera!

Berry picking!

Today the clan went blueberry picking at our local Berry Patch Farms. Yesterday was opening day and 500 people showed up and picked the bushes clean! We made out with a pound of berries, though, enough for a cobbler!

Raising Painters II

Melanie working on a still life on the porch. Our favorite place to paint!

I'm an Auntie!

Abby Catherine was born on June 23. She's our first neice and my kids first first cousin! Congratulation Julie and Jason, we're so excited!!!

Happy Birthday, Mindy!!

A shout out to one of our collective favorite people in the world!! We love you!

Maters!

We have two tomatoes that are ripe enough to pick today! Our first successful growing adventure!

Ron Clark, My Hero

Not everyone gets a chance to meet their heroes. I, myself, have a short list. Ron Clark is one of them and I shook his hand last night. I also heard him speak. I will write more about him later but I ask that you take a few minutes and browse his website. The link is at the bottom of this page.
Watch the video of his class in South Africa. This guy's got it right!

Melanie's Family Portrait

Raising Painters

Summertime and fun with a box. Nuthin'wrong with this!

Going Under the Knife

I was advised to surgically remove the broken piece of cartilage that has lodged itself into my spinal column. I was advised by the surgeon, my chiropractor and a random woman at the gas station who had had the same surgery last year. I always look for random confirmation when I am making a big decision. So, after the kids go back to school in August, I'll do it.

I am relieved to know what's making my legs numb. I don't like the feeling. I am no longer in acute pain, but I am uncomfortable. I am certainly restricted. Tomorrow I get to visit the GYN, because it's doctor visit week in the Coulter house. I am thrilled. I'll have to remember things and answer questions. I hate that.

Muggs is doing good. His finger is still attached. He also goes to the dr. tomorrow to get a tetanus shot (I hear you , Mindy!) for it was a rusted, soiled hedge clipper! Who knows what's growing inside him....

On a brighter note, I get to go to a party for Ron Clark on Wed night. He's quite a guy. He co-founded the Ron Clark Academy in Atlanta. He's an educator of the future and I totally dig him. Muggs and I are going to a party to raise $$ for one student to attend for one year. It's at his boss's house, he and Ron are buddies. So I get to schmooze and hopefully crack a joke or two. Check out his website.
Visit http://www.ronclarkacademy.com/ron_clark_academy/home_nonflash.asp

We're going to try to have a low key day tomorrow. I'm working on a painting for my chiropractor and loving the therapy. Later!

Father's Day

The past couple of days have been relatively uneventful. We've been going to the pool a lot and I've been taking it easy, getting massages and such. I have an apointment tomorrow with the neurosurgeon to see what's really up with my back. Hopefully nothing too serious. It's definately better. Chiropractic is amazing! I don't know what I'd do without Dr. Lili. She has saved me so many times, and she is incredibly compassionate.

Our favorite priest left our church today. Fr. Casmir has been an ispiration to us. He is full of the Holy Spirit, always smiling and joyful, always giving an encouraging word. It is really cool to be around people who are convicted and so sure of the truth. There is no dualism in Fr. Casmir. He will be greatly missed.

To round out a perfectly lovely father's day, Muggs decided to trim the fir tree next to our porch. He borrowed the electric trimmer from our neighbor, and got up on the roof to take the top off the tree. He took his finger off instead. We spent the latter part of the day (7pm-midnight) at the ER while he got sedated, x-rayed and 7 stitches in his left birdie finger. Happy Father's Day, Muggsy! Then he locked the keys in the car and had to call a locksmith. Oh yeah, and I ran over Emma's foot in the harried ER trip. Didn't do damage, just black tire marks on her flip flops and the side of her foot. What a day!

Battle of the Bulge

No, it's not (just) the 20lbs I need to lose, it my L4 and L5 discs that are bulging and herniated! I am officially wounded. No more painting for a while, no more hard labor period. I am doing PT and will talk to my doctor next week about options. It really sucks getting old. I finally understand what Mindy means when she explains that her exercise regimen gives her longevity of movement. It's not about looking hot in a bikini anymore. It's about being able to freakin walk.

So I have these really cool pictures of my innards and I'm letting you all know that if we're ever starving to death and you have to eat me, there's some great looking beef around my lower back, so start there.

I guess it's time to rev back up and get my intervals and diet in check again. That means my therapist, Mindy, is going to have to take my calls again. She's so damn expensive! Seriously, checking in with a buddy is the best way to stay on track. When I don't call, I don't do what I should. It's really immature, but it's like when a kid puts his hands over his eyes and thinks no one can see him. She knows I'm eating that cupcake!

Well, it's off to bed with my 15 pillows and my oxycodone. Nighty night!

Vacation Bible School

zdfgadsfgbrfthe klyidmk njesz
Sorry, I had to clean my keyboard. Someone was typing with sticky fingers...yuk!
Today we began our week of VBS, also known as vacation bible school. Those three words once raised hairs on the back of my neck. I thought VBS was mind-control-Chinese-torture when I was a kid. I wouldn't be caught dead with the dorks I knew who went to VBS.
Things change. My kids have been going for years and they absolutely love it. Matching t-shirts, learning all the hand motions to the songs, meeting new friends...it's a blast. I am working this year in the craft room with Jessica (that's her cuttin coups in the picture)and we have a pot of coffee and lots of fun getting to know the kids who breeze in and out our door. So that's our week this week.
At least that's the kids' week. I may have different things to look forward to. I had an x-ray today of my back and there are two vertebra smooshed together. Apparantly there is supposed to be a pillow between them. We don't know where my pillow is. I am having an MRI tomorrow afternoon to find the pillow. I am looking forward to finding out what's going on, but not so sure about the treatments. Of course surgery is always an option, but who wants that?! I guess some shots could help the pain, but will they fix the problem? I don't

Julianna made dinner for us. She's going to be a great chef someday!

Six Degrees

Remember that movie Six Degrees of Separation? It has always stayed with me and my theory of the universe. Today I was on the table getting a massage from Emily when I tell her about another friend who has a mother in law who is a healing woman from Belgium. Emily stops and says "you're kidding, what's her name?" Madeline. "I grew up with Madeline, I was in her wedding." We're in Woodstock. I met Madeline at a party at Mindy's house near Chattanooga, and Madeline lives outside of my hometown, Rutledge. Damn, it's a small world!

Stuff like that makes me feel safe. Someone Else has got this all organized for me, I just have to plug in and hang on!

My back still hurts and I'm going to lay down. (Emily's great but this time I've really done it)As soon as I get batteries in my camera I'm going to upload some photos. After my nap.

Unbearable Likeness of Backache

My back went out last week. Did I mention that already? I've taken lots of meds and gone to the chiro, but no relief yet. I have a recurring issue with my lower back, possibly related to carrying, birthing, and hauling 5 kids and their stuff for the past 12 years. I don't know how people start families in their mid thirties. My sister in law, Julie (not Knoxville Julie) is having her first baby in a couple of weeks, God bless her. She's almost my age. I hope she's in better shape than me, 'cause I'm beat up. She and Jason (Chris' brother) live in a cute little town in New Jersey and work in The City. They used to live in Hoboken and we loved to visit them there. We haven't been to their new house yet but Muggs (Chris' real name) is chomping at the bit to see his first niece. He wakes up thinking about her and when she's coming into the world. Jason and Julie are really educated. I think they know too much. When I had Emma I had never held a baby before. I was completely ignorant to all the things that could go wrong. It was a blessing. Sometimes I hear things on the news or radio or from a friend that I just can't let in. I have to cradle my psyche like an innocent life and try to keep it focused on good and viable progress, not fear. Sometimes that's really hard. I love the Internet. It gives me instant access to answers, which I cherish. On the flip side, it can innundate my life with useless information, "knowledge" and wasted time. The need for self control and discernment is at an all time high.

That said, my oldest, Emma, and I had a conversation about what we're selling. That sounds wierd but I believe that when we go out of our homes, we're always selling something. That is, if we're conscious and somewhat passionate people. The way we dress, we walk, talk, the things we do, the eye contact we do or don't make... all says something about who we are and where we are. I was explaining my theory to Emma today in response to her "mimick" dressing that has been going on for the past few months (Shorts getting shorter, tops getting tighter). She was able to think about what she was saying by her dress after we tredged through the sticky, stinky, burping muck of emotions for an hour (also known as a fight). She was compensating for her belief that her face was unattractive. She's going through puberty and I REALLY REMEMBER seventh grade. I hope she learns the skills of discernment and self awareness. I'm still working on those. If I could give her the gift of awareness I would wrap it really nicely and throw a party.

Goodnight.

First Day of Summer

In my mind today is the first day of summer. The first Monday we would usually be running off to school. My eyes popped open at 7:40am. Melanie followed at 7:50 and Andrew, Julianna, and Jack were next. Emma will sleep until dinnertime.

I'm sad and a little disappointed in myself. Last week my neighbor brought down a nest of baby birds for us to care for. They fell from a tree he had just cut down. They were so tiny, no feathers yet and of course I jumped to care for them. They lived for a week. There were two that seemed really healthy and promising. I had visions of teaching them to fly and them returning to my porch to feed over the year. I'm not Snow White apparantly. They all died two days ago and I still can't shake it! I failed at nurturing something. That's supposed to be my forte'. I suppose there's a lesson for me in there somewhere.

Luckily my kids and husband are all alive and well and we're going to have a great day hanging out, drinking lots of coffee and seeing a movie. It's either Iron Man or Indiana Jones. Nim's Island was outvoted (Sorry Melanie!). We have free movies three days a week at our local theaters over the summer so I'll get to catch up on the ones I missed this year. Bee Movie, Evan Almighty, Alvin the Chipmunks, Mr. Magorium, etc.

First it's a visit to the chiropractor to set my back straight. Apparantly logging is not the best activity for a tricky back. My mom's house was hit by a tornado a week back and we cleaned up her yard. I love chainsaws. I threw it out and have been really pathetic for a couple of days. Muggs (hubby) is really tired of me walking like his Mamaw and groaning. Not sexy!

Have a happy day!

Oh yeah, uh huh, school's out, get your summer on

We don't have to get up at 6am and start washingdressingeatingbrushinglookingpackingleaving anymore! Emma got on the bus at 6:55, Jack, Julianna, and Melanie got on the bus at 8am, and Andrew and I had to be at preschool by 8:15, ready to teach.

My kids graduated last night, I'll post pics later. I was a little teary, but glad it was over. I get to be the art cart lady at the school next year, so I'm not totally gone.

Whew! It has been a raucous year. I am so glad to have two months of low energy living. We are not doing any team sports or individual lessons of any sort.

Today we are going to visit Julie, Chris' sister, and her hubby Kirk in Knoxville. They just moved into a new house and we're warming it today.
Pics later, have a happy day!

Out of Jail!

I'm free! The Google robots decided that I am not SPAM (I'm at least bologna) and they unlocked my blog. Thanks bots! So, the past three days....
I had an incredible weekend at Mindy's house up on the Ridge, making art, drinking her rose', talking, eating, drinking her rose', and just being me. It was so nice not to be responsible for anyone but myself for a bit.

I made two new friends, too, and that is always joyous! Thanks ladies for your time and creative inspiration. I love embossing!

I'm off to finish up teaching for the year. My 4 and 5 year olds are out of control this week, they know the end is near. I will breathe much easier when I see them walk at graduation! I am really proud of them and it is infinitely fulfilling to be a part of a child's life and get to watch them grow and learn for 9 months.

But boy am I going to love just having 2 jobs! :)
I'm out for now.

Jammin on the One

Happy birthday to me!

I am on the Ridge, blogging for the first time. In the heat of the end of the school year, tornado damage, starting a business, and taking care of sick people, I have gone away for the weekend.
*breathe*
My lovely friend Mindy is hosting a weekend for women artists at her home. Today is our day for unadulterated creative time. So, I just created a google account and started blogging. I am going out to get my goodies and start scrapbooking in a minute. We are also experimenting with making egg tempera paints, vegetable people, and dance. It's like a vitamin for my soul!

Salutations!